defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
