how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
