I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
