I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Randomize
