Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
