Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
