I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
