I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize