you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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