Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My cat gives me a boner
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
