I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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