I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
