checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Semen is not good for contacts.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
A bitchslap is in order.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
