hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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