someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is my gift to your gina
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize