If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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