So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
