sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
