My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you would pick up someone in the library
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
