Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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