OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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