On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
