For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
