Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
