That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
