We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
