In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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