I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
