Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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