Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
