Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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