is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
