Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
