You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
