Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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