I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
