Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
