Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
