I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
