my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
