oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
