he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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