sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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