Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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