And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
