Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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