wanna go halves on a baby?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
