we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we should paint friendship bongs
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