with your own penis?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize