i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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