so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
