im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I believe in your delicious
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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