Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
