While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
