I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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