elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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