im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
