Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
