i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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