my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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