lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
