just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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