I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
