My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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