Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
