I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
