i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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