just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
