The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
