no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Terrible idea I love it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
