dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize