Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
