I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
