I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
