I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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