I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
