I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
