I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
