i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
