He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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